The CCC

There are stranger things in the world to-day
Than ever you dreamed could be.
There's beauty in some of the commonest things
If only you've eyes to see.
Thornton W. Burgess

When a problem presents itself there are a number of ways to solve it.

There is the time-honored tradition of ignoring the problem and hoping it'll go away or magically solve itself. I've used this on a number of occasions as a teenager when my car wouldn't work right. My best friend's father would get after me when he saw me ignoring an obvious problem. He'd say, "Thad, do you think your car will magically heal itself?" Lacking mechanical know-how, motivation, and money at the time, I'd look at him, sigh to myself, and wistfully say, "Someday, Sir, someday." One time I was actually proven right when I tried to drive my car through a lake-sized puddle (There was water coming in the windows. Do not try this at home. If you do, as a courtesy to your passengers, roll up your windows.) and the distributor cap got wet. The car refused to start for a couple of days. Finally, on the third day it started right up. I gleefully gloated to my friend's father that my car had, in fact, magically healed itself. He responded to my technical victory by referring to me as a knucklehead, idiot, "damned fool kid," or something along those lines. Given my penchant for using my car as my own personal yacht, he was probably right. The S.S. Thad didn't last much longer and is now in that car lot/marina in the sky.

One can present the problem to a number of people and hope that one of the many listeners may help find a solution. This is often known by a much more popular term: whining. It can be successful on occasion, but it is really dependent upon three key attributes: persistence (Variation works well. "Boy, am I hungry!" "I am starving." "I could eat a horse!") , persuasiveness ("Michelle, you are the most beautiful woman in the world...can I have a bite of your sandwich?", and a thick skin (Important both physically and psychologically in my case.) Of course, the importance of these attributes is lessened if you happen to be blessed with a particularly nasally voice, a whiner's holy grail.
Another option is throwing enough money around until the problem is solved. I, however, am a Peace Corps volunteer and that is *definitely* not what we are about...mostly because we *definitely* have no money. So, until smiles are accepted as currency (Someday, Sir, someday.) I'll have to resort to the first two options or...

...my own solution.

Christmas time is coming quickly and, as we are away from home, we figured that one of the ways that we could bring a little bit of America to China would be to get a Christmas tree. The problem is that nobody sells them. They have some small potted trees for sale around here but they are too little and very expensive. House plants are cheap, just not the trees, particularly this time of year. Besides, who wants a Chrismas houseplant anyway?

I was mulling the problem over on my way to class when the solution stared me right in the face, literally. I was going into the library when I noticed, for the first time (I've been here over three months folks. I need to open my eyes!) that there were several small potted pine trees in front of the library. Hmmm...the wheels began to turn. I started planning the CCC (Clandestine Christmas Caper.)

I waited until nighfall when nobody would notice the giant foreigner sneaking through the shrubbery. The plan was to saunter up, grab the tree, and sneak into the shadows. I'd have to be quick because there are constantly people wandering the campus at all hours and the library faces the campus square, where nearly every other building faces. Everything went well, not a soul in sight, until I tried to carry the thing. The pot was made out of stone, not clay and the thing weighed somewhere in the neighborhood of 9876189 pounds (3746846 metric!) thanks to both the pot and the recent rain that we have had. So, I waddled home with it, quite un-cat burglar-like, ducking behind cars, shrubs and corners until I reached the staircase to our 6th story apartment. After looking up and quietly sobbing to myself in the dark for a few minutes, I covertly tried to carry it up the stairs without tripping the sound-activated stairwell lights or having an errant branch knock on one of my neighbors' doors.

Could you imagine trying to explain to someone (in Mandarin) why you were slinking around at 1 a.m. with what is obviously some of the campus' decorative flora? My plan was to either (A) stop drop and run, or (B) feign drunkenness.

Luckily, neither option had to be used as I was stealthy (read: not clumsy) enough to not cause a problem to anything other than my back, which hasn't quite forgiven me yet.

So, now we have a tree. It is decorated, and the place has a festive holiday feeling about it. Some students have come by too 'ooh' and 'ahh' over the place. Apparently the connection hasn't been made yet and we should be in the clear. Until, that is, I have to return the thing in a few weeks.

Incidentally, Santa, if you're reading this, I'd like a bottle of aspirin and a back brace for Christmas.