The Worst Part

Yesterday was one of the most difficult days that I've ever had. Michelle and I had to go back to Chengxian in the morning and pack our belongings and say goodbye to everyone, then leave by evening time. The leaders in Lanzhou decreed that we not be allowed to stay overnight in Chengxian, as it was too dangerous. It wasn't too dangerous to cancel school for the students who will have class in the buildings, but too dangerous for us.

Dozens of students and friends crowded into our apartment, wanting to help, chat and say goodbye. It was so hard to say goodbye in one day, but we didn't have much choice.

There were a lot of tears and I will sorely miss all of my students. Josh, Jess, Jeremy and Justin just left here after only a few days in our little city, and in that short amount of time even they said they left feeling like they made friends. I can't describe how hard it is to say goodbye to them after two years.

I was able to go out to dinner with Apple, Mint, Holly, Summer, Smile and Jenny one last time before leaving. We had noodles and chatted just like it was any other day.

I had to say goodbye to my friend and tutor, Zhao Ying. For three days, every week, we met and spoke Chinese together. Our conversations ranged the gamut, from family and home to economics, social problems, and geography. Our last conversation was a farewell that left me glassy-eyed and missing her even though I hadn't left yet.

Part of what was so difficult about leaving is how unsure I felt about their future. The earnestness and kindness that one feels when they meet the students is unlike anything else in the world. I wanted to spend some time with each of them before I went home, visiting them in their classrooms, hearing about their future jobs and plans. That was taken away from me and it really hurts. I sincerely hope that they all land on their feet.

Before we left I gave away most of my clothes to students who didn't have as much as I do. Having only two suitcases and students who could use the clothes more than me made the choice clear. Some girls took away some of the shirts I wore while teaching. I asked them if they were giving them to friends and they told me that they would keep them to remember me by. It is nice to have such a strong impact on the kids and I hope to keep in touch with them in the future.

The end of the day was full of tears and goodbyes. Nearly 100 students and friends gathered around our car to say goodbye. Chinese people don't really hug each other, but they were kind enough to make an exception for me and Michelle as we tearfully said goodbye. It was there, standing on the curb by the car, that I made a promise to myself to return to China. I care too much about this place to let it get too far from my mind. I really have no choice, but to return.

To everyone in Chengxian: Thank you for your kind words, your enthusiasm, your teaching, your patience with our strange American ways, but most of all, thank you for sharing your lives with us for the last two years.

We will never, never forget you.