5/12/08, 2:28pm

I think about it every single day.

Over There

I think about it all of the time.

Right now I am sitting with my laptop, in my nice warm bed, in my great house and all I can think about is China.

If I was in Chengxian right now, we would be in the second week of nonstop rain and the weather would be cold and miserable. The heat wouldn't be turned on for another 5 or 6 weeks and when it finally did come on it would be tepid at best.

I couldn't see my family or friends. I couldn't eat a cheese sandwich. I couldn't drive anywhere. I couldn't even leave the town without enduring a grueling 3 hour bus ride over terrible mountain roads. I couldn't hike up the slippery mountains in the rain even if I wanted to endure the damp trek. I'd be stuck in my home.

But when I think about what I'm missing... the opportunity to help those with less in their lives, the sunny disposition that I meet in people who are living a life much harder than my own, the curiosity and the kindness...

I don't want to be anywhere else.

Just Wondering?

Does anyone read this thing still? I am debating whether to keep posting or not.

Whaddya think?

What I've Learned

I wanted to write about what I have learned in China as soon as I arrived back home, but I didn’t feel it was soon enough to digest the whole experience. I felt that I should become acclimated back to America again before making up my mind about it for a number of reasons.

First, I wanted to see how much of an effect my time in China has had on me, compared to my old self. Have I changed or is it just my surroundings that are new? Would I slide back into the old routines or has something new taken hold?

Second, I felt that some separation time is a good thing to determine exactly what I would and wouldn’t miss about being in China. There are some immediate responses, but I was looking forward to more long term results.

Finally, it was just really difficult to find time to sit down and think about all of this. I’d kick it around from time to time, but it has been a whirlwind of activity here since I’ve returned and it wouldn’t be very fair to compare China to my crazy time here as it has been a madhouse.

Now that it has been a couple of months since I have been back here is what I’ve learned.

1. Learning a foreign language is SO important! Nelson Mandela once said, “If you speak to a man in a language he understands, it goes to his head. If you speak to him in his language, it goes to his heart.” I can’t tell you about the numerous, wonderful, and interesting people I have met and experiences I have had because I was willing to use my meager Mandarin skills to strike up conversations. Americans have really lagged behind in this category and because of that, they are missing out on one of the most fundamentally exciting experiences that life has to offer.

2. People are people. Sounds redundant right? What I mean here is that while China and the U.S. bicker over toothpaste, economics, the Olympics, and everything else, the reality is that the goals of the average person in China and the average person in America are the same. People in both places just want to have a good job, some money, a decent home, a happy family and some fun now and again. It doesn’t matter where you are or what your government is doing. The problems between our governments shouldn’t carry over to hatred of everyone in our respective countries. Most people don’t care about politics. They just want to take care of their daily lives with as much ease as possible. Yes, I know that the issues are tied, but the arguments aren’t their fault as much as many of our governmental problems here aren’t our fault.

3. When you volunteer you get so much more than you give. This applies to any kind of volunteering too. Yes, I gave up a lot to go to China: a job, house, pets, etc. And it’ll be a long time before I recover from all of it too. In fact, I’m still looking for a job, but if I had to do it all again, including the dangerous earthquake and getting kicked out, I would…in a split second. I gained friends (both American and those from other countries), better cultural understanding, a new language, and knowledge about how to live a simpler life. All of which I will carry with me to my grave, unlike the money I would’ve had instead. It is great to receive emails from friends and students from all over the world now. It is nice to know that someone on the other side not only knows I’m alive, but thinks about me and cares about me and wants to know how I’m doing.

4. When we returned home after two years abroad, we went and looked at our possessions. Everything we owned in the world fit into a small room. We opened a few boxes and promptly gave half of it away. Why? We didn’t really need it now. The late George Carlin hit the nail on the head when he said that it was just “stuff” and it isn’t as necessary as we think it is. While away in China, we managed for two years on relatively little clothing without a problem. To come home to several boxes full was quite shocking and I was a little embarrassed about how much was there in my 2½ boxes. Don’t get me wrong. There are things that I own which are frivolous and I love dearly. I am simply referring to the excess. I have seen very poor people who are much happier with little than the middle class and wealthy folks I’ve seen with houses packed with junk. My point is only this: long term happiness doesn’t come from Target.

5. Parents should pay for education. Got your attention? Good. I’m not talking about the entire cost of student education, not even a half or fourth of it. I think that parents should have to put down a small portion of money to make school more of an investment for them. Many students here are taking a free education, provided by the government, for granted. Too many aren’t willing to put a minimal amount of work into their education, and demand that teachers give it to them in easily-digested, lowest-common-denominator garbage. The process is making students lazy and demanding. If parents paid a little bit of money, it might motivate them to keep kids on track more, to avoid paying more to repeat grades/classes. This happens in China and kids generally work pretty hard to make sure that their parents (who are often poor) don’t have to pay more than what is necessary, out respect for their family’s well-being. Failing school there means that there is less money on which the family can rely. Education should be primarily paid for by the state, but I think a small investment from parents might bring about positive results.

More to come soon…

Tomorrow is Another Day, I Believe Everything Could Be Better

Hi Thad,

Thank you for your letter. I'm very happy to receive it. How are you these days and where are you stay? Now I'm at home--Wenxian, you know it? It is also a serious disaster area in the earthquake. Fortunately, my family members are all safe. It's the most important thing to me. Our house has some problems, maybe it needs to rebuild. It will be a troubled thing. But don't worry, we can manage it by ourselves, and I think our government will help us.

In September, I will go to Tianshui Normal University, I hope I could start a new life there, change myself in many aspects, and meet some new friends. And I hope I could meet some good teachers just like you

Tomorrow is another day, I believe everything could be better. I wish you and Michelle happy every day!

I'm looking forward to your letter and photos.


Best Wishes,

Sincerely Yours,

Lavender

Made it to Chengdu

6.4 aftershocks are not an auspicious start on a journey into earthquake country, but that is what we had to deal with. Just before we left for Chengdu, Tianshui was tossed around by another tremor. Our train tickets were purchased though, so we made it on the train for the 16 hour ride south.

Or so we thought...

The engineer took a different route home, through Xi'an and because we were on the wrong tracks we were forced to stop and wait for all of the other trains on the track. The result was a little delay.... of 10 hours!

Ugh...

We were good sports about it, despite going a little stir crazy. At one point Michelle decided to try to entertain herself by plucking at my leg hairs with a pair of chopsticks while saying, "Look! I couldn't do this two years ago!" As the recipent of her attention I was not amused and made my feelings known, by grabbing one of her chopsticks and throwing it across the berth. An all out brawl ensued...

Oh, and Joyce called at 5am, worried about her daughter. 5am is early Joyce...very, very early.

We rolled in after midnight tired being crammed in a little berth for 26 hours. We took a cab over to the PCHQ and crashed in our beds and fell asleep.

Now we are taking care of our medical tests, (Gotta make sure I'm not taking any little friends back to America with me!) administrative stuff and getting ready to go. I'll spare you the gory details, but checking for parasites isn't as fun as it sounds...and it doesn't even sound fun.

Had two more aftershocks here today: 5.4 and 5.7. Looking forward to getting back to a place where the earth stands still. I'm pretty sure Shell and I are going to be on edge for a while because of the constant tremors, but from what I hear the hypersensitivity will fade with time.

We're coming home! Hard to believe it.

One Last Trip

Michelle and I went up to Xi'an to get a few things before we head back to Chengdu, and then the States.



As always it was an educational and humbling experience.



We had standing room only tickets on the train, which isn't the most comfortable way to ride as the cars are usually jammed with people in the same situation. To make matters worse there was no air conditioning, so we were packed like sardines, sweating all over the place. But hey, its China, and that is how it goes sometimes.



On the way home it was worse as the train car was WAY over the 118 capacity sign mentioned in the car. Michelle met some Kazakh students on their way home after studying Chinese for a year and they had an interesting, but halting conversation as both of them were using their second language to communicate.



Meanwhile, I was standing further down the car sweating profusely and trying to read a book in the aisle while people passed by every 15 seconds or so. Difficult to say the least. One of the conductors came up to me and said, "Are you tired?" I told him that I was a little tired. He said "Come with me."



He told me to grab Shell too and he took us to his official conductor seat and told us to rest. He wanted to chat so I told him about where we were from, the earthquake and how we'd go home soon. He was from Xinjiang province, near Urumqi and heard about the quake but didn't feel it. He was a nice guy.



I'm always amazed at how baffling this place can be, even after two years. One moment we are sweating and standing for a four hour journey, the next someone gives up their seat so that we can be a little more comfortable. I'm not so sure that would happen in the U.S.



We leave for Chengdu tonight to get our medical checkups and do some administrative stuff with the country director before we leave. Then we're gone later this week.



I've been running nonstop since we found out our fate, so I haven't really had time to process much of what has happened. It will come with time though.



Right now it is all business I'm afraid.

Flight Home

For those of you who are interested here is our arriving flight info into Boise:

Friday, May 30th
1:08pm
United Airlines Flight: UA6380

The Worst Part

Yesterday was one of the most difficult days that I've ever had. Michelle and I had to go back to Chengxian in the morning and pack our belongings and say goodbye to everyone, then leave by evening time. The leaders in Lanzhou decreed that we not be allowed to stay overnight in Chengxian, as it was too dangerous. It wasn't too dangerous to cancel school for the students who will have class in the buildings, but too dangerous for us.

Dozens of students and friends crowded into our apartment, wanting to help, chat and say goodbye. It was so hard to say goodbye in one day, but we didn't have much choice.

There were a lot of tears and I will sorely miss all of my students. Josh, Jess, Jeremy and Justin just left here after only a few days in our little city, and in that short amount of time even they said they left feeling like they made friends. I can't describe how hard it is to say goodbye to them after two years.

I was able to go out to dinner with Apple, Mint, Holly, Summer, Smile and Jenny one last time before leaving. We had noodles and chatted just like it was any other day.

I had to say goodbye to my friend and tutor, Zhao Ying. For three days, every week, we met and spoke Chinese together. Our conversations ranged the gamut, from family and home to economics, social problems, and geography. Our last conversation was a farewell that left me glassy-eyed and missing her even though I hadn't left yet.

Part of what was so difficult about leaving is how unsure I felt about their future. The earnestness and kindness that one feels when they meet the students is unlike anything else in the world. I wanted to spend some time with each of them before I went home, visiting them in their classrooms, hearing about their future jobs and plans. That was taken away from me and it really hurts. I sincerely hope that they all land on their feet.

Before we left I gave away most of my clothes to students who didn't have as much as I do. Having only two suitcases and students who could use the clothes more than me made the choice clear. Some girls took away some of the shirts I wore while teaching. I asked them if they were giving them to friends and they told me that they would keep them to remember me by. It is nice to have such a strong impact on the kids and I hope to keep in touch with them in the future.

The end of the day was full of tears and goodbyes. Nearly 100 students and friends gathered around our car to say goodbye. Chinese people don't really hug each other, but they were kind enough to make an exception for me and Michelle as we tearfully said goodbye. It was there, standing on the curb by the car, that I made a promise to myself to return to China. I care too much about this place to let it get too far from my mind. I really have no choice, but to return.

To everyone in Chengxian: Thank you for your kind words, your enthusiasm, your teaching, your patience with our strange American ways, but most of all, thank you for sharing your lives with us for the last two years.

We will never, never forget you.

So That's It

We finally got an answer.

The Gansu provincial government has said that there is no way that we will be able to go back to Chengxian to teach. The time that we have spent teaching in China is over. Tomorrow we will go back one last time to say goodbye, collect our belongings and say goodbye. We tried arguing, compromising, influencing, cajoling and other ways to get them to come around, but they're not budging.

Michelle and I have decided to go home a few weeks early rather than hang on for the last few weeks in Chengdu or Tianshui. I can work on finding a job and we can take our time getting a place to live and other neccessities of life in America. It is heartbreaking to have to say goodbye this way, but we have no choice.

On the bright side. I will be flying home soon and can see my Liberty Students graduate, which I wouldn't normally have been able to do.

In Peace Corps, one of the big lessons that nearly all of the volunteers have picked up is the ability to be flexible and roll with the punches. Now, more than ever that lesson is coming in handy.

So soon we will be on a plane, watching China fade out of sight.

See you soon...

Hurry Up and Wait

So we're waiting to hear about our fate.

Rumors are flying around Tianshui, started by a TV station, that there is a huge aftershock coming between 8pm and 10pm tonight so people are all building tents outside. The whole place is looking like a refugee camp (or Hooverville, for you history geeks out there.) here too, except the buildings are all standing and fine. Kind of strange. Another rumor that is flying around is that the earthquakes are "moving" north and the severity in Tianshui will increase. As if they had a mind of their own or something.

We are working on convincing the provincial leaders to let us go back to Chengxian to finish our term. After speaking to our school, I was able to convince them to give us a tent until the aftershocks die down and then a one room dormitory room in a safe building after things are safer. Michelle and I decided that it would be worth it to live in a tent for the rest of the term if it meant we could go back and be with our kids for the rest of the term. I feel that now, more than any other time, we can do a lot to help in our community and, at the same time, show them that we aren't afraid and that Americans (at least these Americans, I can't speak for others in Sichuan and other places.) won't leave at the first sign of difficulty. They are our friends, students and colleagues. We owe it to them to try our hardest to come back.

The problem is the provincial leaders. They are worried that we'll get injured, and in this time of hysteria, if we were to get hurt they'd lose their jobs. So there really isn't any incentive for them to let us go back. That is what we are trying to do, convince them that we'll be okay and that we can help in our community.

So right now we wait, as excruciating as it is. We relay phone calls, smooth out misunderstandings and stick to our guns about wanting to return.

And wait....

And wait...

And wait...

I Fought the Law...

Another aftershock last night. Word is that it was 6.0 at the epicenter. It was big enough to shake us up even in Tianshui.

The provincial leaders in Gansu don't want us to go back to Chengxian. We have spent almost 2 years working, building relationships, and a life there and it is all being whisked away as we were forced to flee in the night like rats. No goodbyes, just running.

We're fighting it though. Holding long meetings with the provincial officials over and over again. Trying to get them to understand how we feel and how inappropriate it would be to force us out after everything we have worked so hard to do there.

Yesterday was very disheartening. We were being badgered by government officials and had numerous calls going between the government, Peace Corps and ourselves. The worst part about all of it is that we are virtually powerless in the process and everyone keeps talking about how they need to finish it to keep their work schedules, like we were just a task to tick off on some list somewhere. Meanwhile, students are sending me messages about how much they miss us and want us to come back and our colleagues are fretting about how to fill the void we are leaving.

I'm down, but I'll be damned if I'm going to give in. If they want to get mad and yell, then let 'em. As long as I have a card to play in this game, I'm in. I won't give up without a fight. I care too much about my town, students, friends and colleagues to step away, even if it is easier. Years from now, I don't want to say I left people behind because it was too difficult to fight a bureaucracy full of frightened people.

I'm digging in.

Photos and More

So here are some pics from Chengxian of the results of the earthquake.

There are several photos of Jifeng Mountain, where I was when the event happened. We were on the pinnacle of the spire-like part of the mountain on the right. I took a picture of the temple as we saw it when the earthquake struck.

I included a shot of one of the many landslides that happened seconds after the earthquake finished. You can see the plume of dust rising out of the mountainside.

I have three shots of structural damage suffered around town. First is Michelle in the dining canteen trying to buy bread. You can see the broken ceiling above her. Second, There is one shot of a construction crane that was bent in half because of the quake. Finally, There is one here of our apartment building with the cracks running along the ground and up the wall. This isn't the least or worst of the damage to the building, but you can get an idea why we were sleeping outside.

Speaking of which, the rest of the photos are from our time outside together. There are a couple of pictures of students who are simply exhausted by the ordeal and a bad night's sleep. I also included a photo of a hospital patient evacuated outside who is receiving an IV, which is hanging from a tree above her.

Right now we are having a difficult time trying to get back to Chengxian, due to a lot of fear and internal politics. Out of all the Peace Corps volunteers in China (well over 100) we are the only two who have been evacuated. It is really frustrating and would be a terrible way to leave the country, so we are hoping for the best.

We are trying to stay positive in light of the situation but is really hard not to lose heart.

Thanks for all of your kind emails and thoughts. We miss all of you.

The Day After

The good spirits from the day before didn't last into the next day.

Out of fear, some students chose not to sleep at night. Instead, they opted to walk around the school track all night. By morning you could see the toll it had taken in their zombie-like gates. Others who tried to rest had a hard time because of the aftershocks (which are still going on even here, in Tianshui) or the cold. We offered up all of our blankets, sheets and other things to try to help out as much as possible, but numbers were against us and some students huddled together to keep warm, relying on body heat.

The leaders of the school made sure that everyone was fed and cleanliness was maintained as much as possible.

News of a impending rain shower came through and people began building makeshift shelters to avoid the showers. It was during these preparations that I had to say goodbye to my friends, who had a train to catch. It was particularly tough to say goodbye to them because, first, I hadn't seen them in 2 years. Second, we had this terrifying experience together and then worked together to help out in the camp as much as possible, so we had grown close again and they didn't want to leave the students and teachers. Third, I could see worry in their faces about the well-being of Michelle and I, who had to stay behind while they went back to their lives in the States. We tried to assure them that we'd be fine, but sometimes it is hard to convince someone who cares about you that you'll be okay. I made arrangements for a friend to meet them at the train station and help them out. Then they were gone.

Soon after, the Gansu foreign affairs leader arrived and decided that it wasn't safe for us to stay anymore and told us we had to go to Tianshui. We felt terrible about going, like we were betraying our students, colleagues and work because others weren't leaving. I called Peace Corps and they told us we should go, so we reluctantly agreed. We dashed into the house one more time to grab our "evacuation stuff" and waited for the car.

A few of our students heard we were going and wanted to see us off. Holly, one of my third year students burst into tears as we were getting ready to leave. She was worried that we wouldn't return and that this was a final goodbye. We consoled her and told here that it was only a short-term departure and not to worry. It was gut-wrenching to see her get so upset just after seeing my friends go. On top of all of it, we hadn't slept much the previous night and hadn't really gotten hold of our families, so we were emotionally and physically drained.

We took the car ride to Tianshui in silence and collapsed on our beds. Since then we have remained here, waiting to return as soon as we can safely do so.

As soon as I can, I'll post some pictures from our site and update with news as it comes in. Hopefully, our time in limbo will come to a close soon.

If you want to help out, the International Red Cross/Red Crescent is accepting donations on behalf of earthquake victims. It would mean a lot to Michelle and I if you could give a small donation. After having lived here for 2 years, I have been able to see how little some of these families had even before the disaster. Anything you can give will be greatly appreciated and go far.

Take care,

Thad Ross

The Day the Earth Moved

Hello from Tianshui, Gansu.

Michelle and I have been evacuated from Chengxian to Tianshui until the aftershocks subside a little more. We've been hanging out here, waiting to go back to our site while Peace Corps and the provincial leaders come to an agreement on our living arrangements. We are in a holding pattern.

So the earthquake hit northern Sichuan. We live in Gansu, the province to the north of Sichuan, very close to the border.

One of the things Peace Corps values most is cross cultural education. So when volunteers go abroad, one of the best ways to facilitate that is to encourage people to come and visit the host country to see a new way of life. A bunch of my friends decided to take the opportunity to visit China and our little town. We had spent the previous days hiking to temples and seeing the countryside. I had some students come over and teach them how to cook some Chinese dishes and we even went to a hospital to see (and participate) in an acupuncture session with a doctor.

They were slated to go home the next day and I wanted them to see the crown jewel of Chengxian: Jifeng mountain. Jifeng is an enormous mountain right out of a Harry Potter moview and on top are several very old temples. I think it may be one of China's best kept secrets, but I am a bit biased.

We had just arrived at the top and were winding our way up a steep, narrow path to the temple on the peak when we heard a loud roaring noise and the whole mountain began to sway and shake violently beneath us. We looked up above us at the temples on top of a retaining wall. The temples looked like they were being grabbed by an invisible hand and twisted, throwing clay roof tiles and debris everywhere. The old women at the temple began to scream and run. A few sat down at an altar closed their eyes and began chanting loudly.

We started to run, trying to get away from the falling debris, but there wasn't really anywhere to go, because the path wound around the base of the wall/temple structure. Finally we stopped in the gap between two of the buildings and poised ourselves to jump out of the way should one of the buildings give.

After what seemed like an eternity, most of the shaking subsided and we scrambled down the peak to a safer part of the mountain. Because of our extremely high vantage point, we could see all of the mountains and valleys below. Landslides were everywhere, with huge plumes of dust rising out of the valleys. After the quake we went up to the temple to inspect the damage. Many people were collected there burning incense and offerings, praying and doing what anyone would do in that situation: trying to make sense of what just happened. Just as we approached the temple, the glass surrounding the shrine inside the temple crashed to the ground, shattering in a million pieces. We took this as a sign to head back home.

I was worried about Michelle (who wasn't with me), my students, and colleagues at the school. We began the hike back down the mountain. Mobile phone service was out and I couldn't contact anyone.

After a few hours, we arrived back at the school to find the entire student body collected on the soccer field, Michelle among them. She informed us that the leaders (wisely) evacuated the school to a safer location and called the students working in the field at their student teaching posts back to make sure they were okay. Michelle told me that our new apartment building didn't stand up well to the quake and had basically broken in half on the second floor. We went in the building quickly to gather our things and noted severe cracks and the two inch clevage on the second floor with some concern.

We grabbed as many blankets as we could, our sleeping bags and some toiletries and scampered out. We knew that many of our students were without blankets and adequate clothing to keep warm over the night and that we'd be sleeping outside. We used our sleeping bags and gave our blankets to the dazed groups of students huddled on the field. We then got together and my buddies went across the street and bought a bunch of candles and we distributed them among the students to boost their spirits and keep them a little warmer. My buddies dubbed themselves the "candle fairies" and enjoyed interacting with the kids. The students were very concerned about us after coming in so late from the mountain despite Michelle's assurances we were okay. It is nice to know that the relationships we have built here are almost like a second family. While inside we grabbed my frisbees and before night fell we tried to boost morale by tossing the discs around a bit. Frisbees are a novelty here and tossing one to casual observers is one of my favorite pasttimes as it usually involves a lot of screaming and flailing.

The school leader, Mr. Si, organized the school very well and made sure that all students were fed. He also set up a bathroom area and separate quarters for boy and girl students. They wheeled out the ping pong tables and managed to get the lights at the basketball hoops working so that there was some entertainment. For a while, there was almost a happy air around campus with students chatting and wandering around together. Late that night we went to bed during what turned out to be a cold night that dropped down to the mid 40's. We were repeatedly woken by aftershocks and screams from students all night. The earth was still pretty angry I guess.

I'll finish the rest of this tomorrow as my time in the internet bar is drawing to a close...

Bye!